i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
