i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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