i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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