another moral hangover. fuck.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Alive.
So much puke
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
