dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
