he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
