I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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