Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
