dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize