There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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