His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
