wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
please come you make the beer taste better
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
