My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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