Already got asked if we're dating
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
