Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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