he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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