my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
