Redeem this text for a blowjob
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
