I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
