Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize