Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
