Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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