She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize