don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
