Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
