ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
