I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
