im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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