wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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