I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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