from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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