I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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