If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
