Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
