and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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