I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
