I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
