Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize