I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
