return my video game
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize