So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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