ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
