i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
