Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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