did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
