I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Come see our sink grown plant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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