Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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