Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wear drunk well.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
