You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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