this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
