He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
