dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
