so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize