I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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