I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize