i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
