im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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