i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
