My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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