Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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