Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
