he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
