never play flip cup with pint glasses
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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