Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
