He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
