Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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