Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
