He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
