I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
