I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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