After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
