All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
