In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
