oh god the rape fog is back!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
