I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
