i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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