Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
