Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
