It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
