I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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