Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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