why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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