Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
