Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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