What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
