This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
