i think my mom watched the whole time
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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