All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
