it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
