i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
