Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
