I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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