Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
